Watching the Pastor’s Daughter

by Lila Robinett

She empties her sequin backpack
rendering no markers, or games,
nothing to entertain before released 
to “kid’s church.” She looks back at me 
while the band plays. I am not singing 
and my hands are clasped gently 
and arms slacked. 
Her mother sways, 
eyes closed, 
palms up in adoration 
fingers flexed open to receive 
the Holy Spirit. 
When we are told 
to bow our heads to pray, 
I do, but I do not 
close my eyes either, 
nor does she.

She has not experienced 
her first alter-call. 

One day she will go to church camp, 
a white man will explain depravity, 
about original sin, 
and she will be talked into shame 
so she will know the grace of Christ.  

But before she is indebted 
to raise her hands in adoration, 
or close her eyes sincerely in prayer 
hoping to feel whatever God’s Presence feels like, 
she watches my seemingly half-assed participation, 
and I want to tell her 
that we are only good.

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Lila Robinett is a native East Texan living in Hattiesburg, Mississippi where she attends the University of Southern Mississippi as a Ph.D. student in Creative Writing. Her work can be found in Five South magazine, Ekstasis, and Impostor magazine.